


Blame

by theyoungestwinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blood, F/M, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-18 23:35:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4724414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyoungestwinchester/pseuds/theyoungestwinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reader has tried to block what happened that night. The person that did that wasn't in his right mind. But now that he was back to normal, could she confront him?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blood Loss

**Author's Note:**

> First SPN related fic.

There’s blood everywhere.

It was an accident. Wait. Was it an accident? You stare at the blade in your hand, barely seeing the blood drip from the cuts along your wrist. You don’t remember getting here or doing this. You don’t even remember getting to the bunker, let alone your room.

You are very weak. The loss of blood or from the night’s events, you weren’t sure which. You are seated on the floor, leaning against the wall. You blink slowly, wanting it all to end. It would be so much easier if it would just all end. The pain, the suffering, everything. But somehow, it doesn’t. You just watch each the pool of red gradually get bigger with each swipe.

You hear footsteps outside your door. The Winchesters are home from their hunting trip. You normally would have gone with them, but you weren’t feeling that great when they had left. So you had decided to stay home.

“Y/N?” Dean yells, “We’re home! And I brought some pie!”

“Where are you, Y/N?” calls Sam.

 

You can barely glance up to see Sam open the door of your room. He has a wide grin on his face as he glances around the room. Until his eyes fall onto the sight of you on the floor. His grin disappears and his eyes widen. He yells panicked to his brother, immediately at your side.

“Y/N, what happened?” Sam grabs the razor that’s still in your hand, putting it out of reach. He takes your arm, trying to get the bleeding to stop.

You can’t answer. Your breath is short as you feel the familiar tightening of your chest, the beginning of another panic attack. You can barely see or hear Sam through a thick fog that’s beginning to blur your vision.

Dean enters the room, holding a fork in one hand, a plate of pie in the other. He’s in the process of taking a bite when he sees the scene of the room. The plate crashes to the floor with a loud bang. “Oh my God, what happened?”

Sam looks up, commanding him to go get the alcohol and floss. Your memory from previous hunts reminded you that he would help stitch you back together.

As you look up to Dean as he returns, the blurred vision getting worse, the pain finally hits you. It was so intense, like your whole arm was on fire and getting ripped apart all at once. Tears begin falling along your cheeks as you manage a whispered, “I’m sorry…”

Sam’s frown deepens as he wipes your arm with the alcohol, “It’ll be okay, Y/N, you can get through this.”  
You breathing is shortened and light. The room is growing dark and you can barely see Dean now, who’s on your other side. His voice calls out your name. But you can’t hear it. There’s only pain.

‘Maybe this is the end...’ You think. At least you got to see the Winchesters one last time. You smile faintly and finally collapse against the wall.

***

Everything is dark. Your mind feels completely disconnected from your body. It’s as if a dark curtain is separating you from the rest of the world, causing you to only see and feel the pain.

In the darkness, you dream.

***

_You were walking alone back to the impala, carrying bags in both of your hands. Dean had let you borrow the car to go stock up the bunker. He was finally beginning to trust you with the keys and the supplying of the kitchen, now that he was sure you wouldn’t buy just the ‘rabbit food’ as he called it._

_It was late. The street was completely empty and the sky was black. The time on your phone said that it was past midnight. When you approach the impala, you freeze._

_A man is leaning against the frame of the car. But you can’t see his face; the street is too dark. The man’s stance seems odd. He’s looking up the sky and he seems to be grinning. But not in a good way. A chill runs down your spine. You should turn back, grab your phone and call Dean._

_But there’s something that’s all too familiar about this man. Something about how when he see’s you, he straightens and you can see the broadness of his shoulders and his tall frame. He runs his hand up to his shaggy hair, tucking a strand behind his ear._

 

_Your body relaxes as you realize that it’s the younger Winchester, “Sam!”_

***

“Stay with us, Y/N!” You are startled away from your dream to hear Sam’s panicked voice and a small pressure in your hand. His voice is thick through the hazy fog. There is a sudden stinging pain running up from your wrist all the way to your elbow.

A loud gasp escapes your lips as your eyes fly open, caught off guard by the pain.

“Come on, Y/N!” You look up and see that your head is on Dean’s lap. He probably caught you when you fell unconscious. His eyes are on Sam as he finishes wrapping your arm in a bandage.

Your voice is weak and shaky as you whisper, “Dean.. Sam…”

Dean’s eyes immediately flash to your eyes and Sam’s head perks up at your unsteady voice. Their expressions were flashed between worry and relief.

There’s a brief moment of silence as you remember what you had been doing and your eyes fill with tears. The brothers were sure to be absolutely disgusted and full of pity. You didn’t want their pity; it was the last thing you needed.

You sit up slowly, a feeling of dizziness and nausea running down from your head and through your body. Your voice is still shaky as the tears begin to fall. As you look to the older Winchester, you voice is barely audible as you say, “No.. I’m not okay.”

“Shh, now. You’ll be fine, Y/N. We’ll be sure of it. Trust us. You know that Dean and I will always protect you.” Sam’s voice is strong and unwavering, obviously no question or doubt it in it. But you can’t bring yourself to believe him. He reaches forward and places his hand on top of yours.

You stare blankly at him, exhausted. You were tired and filled with pain. Your body sagged against the wall. You just wanted to sleep. But no doubt that the brothers wanted to talk to you about what caused this.

Sam sees how tired you are and pauses, pulling his hand back. You can tell that his eyes are filled with sincere questions that he desperately wants answers for. But instead of asking them, he says, “We’ll let you sleep. But we’ll be having a long talk later on.”

You nodded faintly. You knew the brothers all too well. There was no way to avoid the discussion that was going to happen. They were very protective over you. They practically saw you as a younger sister.

“I’m sorry…”

Sam shakes his head, a flash of anger coming and going across his face. He takes a deep breath, running his hand through his hair to push it from his eyes. “Just one thing. How long have you been doing this, Y/N? How long?”

“I started about a month ago.”

Both of the brothers sigh. Sam closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. You bite your lip. You were sure that he was completely disgusted with you. It was sick, the cutting that you had been doing. After the talk you would have with them, he probably wouldn’t want to have anything to do with you.

Dean, on the other hand, looks sad. He’s staring at you, shaking his head slightly. Pity. You didn’t want that either. He would probably act like he understood, that it was gonna be okay, when it really wasn’t.

You try to stand, but your body is shivering. Dean sighs and stands beside you, scooping you easily up into his arms. He begins to carry you back to your room. You try to keep your eyes open, but the swaying of Dean’s walking and the familiar scent of his shirt causes your heavy eyelids to finally close.


	2. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is confronted by past memories that she'd rather forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All grammatical errors are completely mine. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

_You had just called out Sam's name as he was leaning against the Impala. You started to walk faster towards him, once you realized that it was him. But the uneasy feeling was still there. Sam just smiled towards you in the darkness of the quiet and empty street._

_"What are you doing here, Sam?" You place the grocery bags that you were carrying onto the ground next to the Impala. You reached into your pocket, fumbling for the keys. But Sam beats you to it, his spare key already unlocking the car._

_"It's late. I just wanted to make sure you were safe." His reply is simple._

_You brow raises and you just say, "I can take care of myself. You and Dean should know that by now." It was true. Your family had been killed by a vampire several years earlier. You had hunted the thing down and when you finally cornered it, it was already dead and done by the time the Winchesters had shown up. Since then, the three of you had been inseparable. You were great to work with and gave Sam a run for his money when it came to finding research._

_"I know. But I had to be sure."_

_You just stare at him, unsure of how to respond. Normally, this was typical Sam. He was normally protective, distressed about you for whatever reason, despite trying to always tell him that you were fine. But Sam was his typical self at the moment. He was Soulless at the time. And because of this, he didn't really seem to give a second thought or concern about anything. He didn't feel guilty about anything and sure didn't seem to care about you as much as he normally did.  
_

_"Well, I appreciate the thought," You eye him as you grab the bags to put into the Impala, "Let's just go back to the bunker."  
_

_You start to reach for the door handle of the car as you toss the your hair over your shoulder. But Sam is suddenly grabbing you wrist. So hard that it hurts your lower arm. You turn to face him, trying to pull away from him as you let out a gasp filled with pain. "Sam, let go! What are you doing?"_   
  


_But his eyes are dark. He doesn't let go of you. Instead, he just grabs your other wrist and pins you to the door of the Impala. You try to let out a scream but he clamps a hand over your mouth, denying you that ability._

 

***

"I'm okay," you whisper these words to yourself, your eyes still shut tight as you began to wake, "It was just a dream." Truth be told, Soulless Sam had terrified you. He was menacing and unforgiving, didn't give a single care about anyone but himself. But he wasn't soulless anymore. Dean and Castiel had fixed that, finally, several weeks ago. But even so, the dream was still there. And you were more than one hundred percent sure that Sam didn't remember that night, or he would have said something about it.

Your eyes snap open from the dream. Early morning light sneaks into the room through the window. You glance at the clock, seeing it's about 7:30. You glance at the room and find Dean asleep on a pad on the floor. Sam is sprawled across the couch, snoring slightly. You stare at the two sleeping forms that were in your room. Why were they in here? You don't remember them coming in last night. 

You turn on your side as you groggily try to recollect why the brother's were here. You didn't complain though. You loved them both and loved being in close proximity of them. But what had happened last night?

You reach to scratch an itch on the top of your head and your eyes fall upon your arm that's covered in a tight bandage. _Oh._ Right. That's what happened last night.

It was like someone had dropped ice down your throat. You felt suddenly heavy as the memory of the previous night overcame you, the memory of why the brothers were in your room. They had probably been carefully watching you sleep, staying up most of the night fretting over you. You sat up quietly and shook your head, letting a soft sigh escape your lips, trying to figure out what to make of the situation. _  
_

"Y/N?" Dean's voice interrupts your thoughts. His voice is quiet and he silently stands up from the makeshift mattress on the floor. He walks to the side of your bed and he reaches to take your bandaged arm. A few faint spots on the white bandage have been soiled into a dark red color. It takes a moment for you to process that the red was from bleeding. 

Dean doesn't say anything as he begins to unwrap the band around your lower arm and wrist. He just immerses himself into replacing the wrap. When the tainted bandage is off, you stare at your arm and attempt to flex your hand. Several cuts zigzag across your arm. Two have stitches, the ones the Sam did last night. Another looks like the stitches have popped, which is what caused the bandage to get stained with red.

Turning his back to you, Dean grabs the alcohol, needle, and floss that's sitting on your desk. You watched him carefully, biting your lip, as he turns to face you. He doesn't look angry. Just sad. "We need to talk, Y/N. You owe us an explanation."

You can't answer him. Not now. You blink slowly, trying to find your words as you look between the older brother. "I'm sorry..."

Dean pulls the needle back as finishes fixing the stitch; he wipes your arm down with the alcohol one more time to disinfect it and he starts to wrap it tightly in the bandage. He lets out a sigh, "You've got to trust us, Y/N. We're trying to help you. This is a problem."

"I know." You tilt your head to the side. "I'm not ready to talk about it yet. Can you still help me though?"

"Fair enough." Dean just sighs but nods his head. He closes his eyes for a second and then perks up, a cheeky grin upon his face. He gives you a kiss on your forehead. "In the meantime, I'll make your favorite breakfast." He leans back and walks out of the room. Your eyes follow him as he leaves.

"You're amazing, you know that, right, Y/N?" You flinch. You had forgotten that Sam was in the room too. The memory of the previous night's dream begins to fill your mind, but you carefully deflect it. This was Sam. He wouldn't do anything to you, now that he was back to normal.

All you can do is just shake your head. You want to believe his words, but you doubt that you ever will.


	3. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader has wants to start to heal, but has no idea how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning in this chapter: Flashbacks to very graphic scenes.

Several days have passed. The Winchesters won't let you out of their sight for more than a few minutes. Every time you take longer in the bathroom, one of the brothers is knocking at the door, calling your name.  
  
You appreciated their concern; you really did. They meant well and were just worried about you. But this couldn't go forever. You wanted your space, but you didn't know how to build the broken trust between yourself and the brothers. Maybe if you trusted them with the reason why. Your eyes widened and you forced that thought from your head. No use in dwelling on the past. Besides, your relationship with Sam was fine, now that he was back to normal. The last thing you wanted was for him to know what he did while he was soulless. 

You were sitting at the table, absentmindedly picking at the edge of the bandage that was wrapped around your wrist.

"Hey, don't do that!" Dean's voice fills your ears and you look up from your laptop screen to see him standing in the doorway, Sam close behind him. He walks into the dining area, his frown deep with the same worry that he had the night he found you. 

"Sorry." Your voice is weak and almost expressionless, almost bored. 

"Aw, Y/N, it's okay." Sam gives you a half dimpled smile, reaching forward to fix the bandage that you've undone.

But the moment his hand touches your skin, an ice cold current runs through you. You freeze as your heart rate suddenly picks up. It was happening again.

***

_Sam has trapped you against the frame of the Impala. There wasn't any use trying to fight him. He was so strong._

_"Come on, little girl, you know you want it."_

_You struggle beneath Sam's tall figure, squirming beneath him. He moves the hand that's covering your mouth, only to press a sloppy kiss to your lips. You let out a faint yelp, but bite his lip. Hard. A flash of anger crosses his eyes for a moment as he takes a second to recover from the bite. "Have it your way, then."  
_

_Sam pushes you into the backseat of the car. He gets in after you, closing the door behind him. He pushes you onto the seat, pinning you down. You squirm underneath him. "Sam! What are you doing?! Please, stop!"_

_The words are meaningless to Sam's ears. He doesn't hear them. He won't stop. And he doesn't._

_Before you can understand what's happening, Sam forcefully rips your pants down, shredding your panties in the process. You don't see that Sam's pants have been ripped off as well. Because all you can realize is that he's suddenly inside of you. Sam just has an evil grin on his face, his hand covering your mouth to stifle your screams._

_It feels like it lasts forever. But it couldn't have lasted more than a few minutes._

_Sam finishes. He smirks and pulls out, wiping the sticky mess off of himself. He pulls his pants back up and climbs out of the backseat of the Impala without giving you a single word or second glance._

_You just lay there, helpless._

_Faintly, you hear someone screaming. It takes you awhile to realize that it's you._

***

A dull pain is forming in the back of your head. A faint, cold pressure is at the source of the pain. You feel disoriented and confused. Everything is dark suddenly and your body feels numb.

"Y/N!" A soft, deep voice is in your ear, pulling you back into reality. "What happened? Are you okay?"

It takes a moment to place the voice. Dean. Dean! He's here. He'll help you; he always has. 

Your eyes open and you groggily shift your eyes. You were slumped on the floor of the dining area of the bunker. How did you get here? Sam lets out a sigh of relief by your side. "Come on, Y/N. You can't keep scaring us like that."

You blink slowly, trying to attempt to sit up, but giving up when the room won't stop spinning. "What happened?"

Dean is holding an bag of ice to the side of your head, "You passed out when Sam touched your bad arm to change the bandage." His eyes grow wary and then suddenly angry. "Dammit, Y/N. You've got to trust us. What happened to you?"

You flinch, curling away from Dean's outburst. You swallow hard, fighting back the tears that are threatening to spill. All you can do is attempt to shake your head, but that proves to be impossible from the way that Dean has your head cradled in his lap, holding the bag of ice to the area where you hit your head from the fall. "Please... I don't want to talk about it. It's nothing."

Sam just stares sadly. "Y/N, it's not nothing." His voice is gentle and soft, but there's a wide hint of alarm behind it. "You've never once diverted me in the past, but you've avoided me so much in the past month." It was true. Before, you and Sam had been practically joined at the hip since you had joined the brothers, but after the incident, even when his soul was returned and he didn't remember what he done, you still avoided him as much as you could.

"I've seen the fear that's in your eyes when you look at me." Sam continued. "It's not there when you look at Dean. I've noticed the way you freeze up whenever we're alone in the room, or I accidentally touch you. Y/N, what did I do to you when I was soulless?"

But you can't answer him. You slowly sit up, as the room is finally standing still. You close your eyes, biting your lip. You ask for Dean's help and he supports you in getting onto your feet. You grip the edge of the table, a sheen of sweat on your forehead as you try to catch your breath. "Please, trust me. I'm not ready to --"

You stop mid-sentence because a sudden wave of nausea hits you. You barely make it to the nearby bathroom in time, before you puking out your breakfast. You had been feeling shitty as it was, and the fact that you were feeling sick didn't help. In fact, this wasn't the first time you had thrown up in the last several days.

 


	4. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The realization will crush everyone.

You are curled up on the floor of the bathroom again, pale and weak. You had just lost your stomach for the second time that morning. Your back is leaning against the wall and your eyes are closed as you take slow breaths, trying to calm the flips that your stomach seemed to be doing.

"Y/N..." A soft, quiet voice enters your ears. Your eyes snap open. Dean is standing in the doorway, holding a glass of water. He walks towards you and crouches down, offering you the glass. You mutter a thank you and take a small sip of the cool liquid, letting it cool the burn in your throat.

"How are you feeling?" Dean asks when you finish the water down.

"Better now." It was true. As soon as the queasiness had hit you, it was already fading. You start to carefully stand, gripping the counter for support. Dean helps you up up, gently anchoring your arm. You take a soft, shaky breath and close your eyes. You did feel better, but you still felt weakened.

“I think I should take you to the doctors. You really don’t look good.”

“No, I’ll be fine. It’s nothing..” Your eyes open again and they trail across the room to the open cabinet across the bathroom. You stare at the small box in the cabinet and start counting back in your head. “Dean, what’s the date?”

“The twenty-eighth. Why?” Dean stares at you in confusion His eyes follow your gaze, landing on the box of tampons in the cabinet. “What, are you blaming this on your period?”

“No, but Dean, my period is late.” You reach forward, grabbing the box in your hand. You stare at the cardboard, trying to wrap your head around that fact. What did that mean, exactly?

“So...What?” Dean is still confused. “Are you..?”

“Am I what?” You blink. “Oh. Oh. I don’t know. But the sickness, the moodiness..”

You think back in your head, trying to place the date. This was impossible. If you were pregnant, this could only go downhill from here. You didn’t want to bring a child into this monster filled world. It was already overpopulated anyway, and you didn’t see yourself as a mothering type.

As you sit there thinking, your mind grasps around the date that you were searching for, the possible time that you would have gotten pregnant from. You let out a scream, covering your mouth. The glass you were holding breaks, the shattered glass falling to the ground.

Without realizing what you were doing, you were running, screaming. You faintly hear Dean call out your name, but you can’t stop. All you can think about is the need the blade; it’s the only way you can deal with this sudden realization.

You end up in your room. Dean is suddenly behind you and he grips your side. But at his touch, you jerk forward, only to flinch away from him. This was not happening. All you can manage to say to Dean is to ask him, “Where’s Sam?”

“I’m right here.” Sam is standing in the doorway to your room, running a hand through his hair. He must have been alerted by the scream you let out when you had the realization of your pregnancy.

You look up at the tall man standing in the frame. You needed to tell him what happened, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. The guilt would crush him, if he survived Dean’s brutal assaults that you were sure was going to happen.

You just shake your head, trying to catch your breath. Your heart rate was picking up and your skin started to prickle. Your body slumps down, reacting to the night’s realization. Your eyes are half closed when you hit the floor and you can barely hear Sam and Dean yelling your name.

 

***

_You stared at the roof of the Impala. You had been laying there for over an hour. Your voice was hoarse from letting out your screams and your face was wet from the tears that caked your cheeks.. Your mind replayed the images of what had just happened. You had trusted Sam and he had taken that confidence and shattered it._

_‘That wasn’t Sam.. No..’ The words cross your mind vaguely. You knew that the real Sam Winchester would never have done that to you. But he still knew your feelings for him. Before his soul was ripped away in Hell, the two of you had been attempting to work through the mess of complicated feelings for each other. He had confessed his perplexing emotions for you that only seemed to be growing every day. You were amazed by his honest confession. Your low self esteem was holding you back. So when he told you his feelings, you were unsure. How could someone as amazing, so handsome, someone so kind like Sam Winchester have feelings for someone like you?_

_Sam knew your feelings of low confidence. He was trying hard to change your thought process, telling you that you were beautiful every day. It had been gradually working, too. You wanted to be beautiful for him._

_But then Sam lost his soul. He was completely different, completely unhinged. He had no guilt in his rough actions. Actions that Sam would normally have never done._

_You carefully sit up in an attempt to pull yourself together. No one must know what happened tonight. Dean would kill his brother if he found out. That’s not what you wanted. But then the question begs, if that’s not what you wanted, what did you want?_

 

***

 

“She thinks she might be pregnant, Sam.” Dean’s voice echoes through your mind, through the hazy fog that was encompassing you. You let out a gasp as you feel a pressure on your hand and your eyes snap open.

One of the brothers must have moved you to your bed. You are curled on your side, your arms tucked in front of you. Dean has a hand pressed to your own. You let out a small whimper, causing both of the brothers to glance in your direction.

“Y/N?” Sam starts to ask, “How are you feeling?”

You just blink, unsure of how to answer. Fine, I just might be pregnant from the rape that you did? How did you confess that to him?

“Peachy,” You just snap.

Dean shakes his head in frustration. “Y/N. It’s okay if you’re pregnant. We’ll help you through it. It’ll be okay.”

His words rake through your mind and you can’t stop the shiver that runs down your spine. You knew that you needed to tell them sooner or later about that night. “Dean… No it won’t ever be okay. I need to talk to Sam alone.”

Dean gives you a look of confusion but he stands back up to exit the room, closing the door behind him. Sam is at your side, looking at you expectantly, “What is it, Y/N?”

“Sammy… Please don’t beat yourself up over what I’m about to tell you, okay?”


	5. Heartbroken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean recalls the difference that the reader had brought into his and Sam's life. Sam realizes what he did when he was soulless.

**Dean’s POV**

 

I’m sitting on the floor of the hall outside of Y/N’s room in the bunker. I wanted to be right there if she had any other breakdown tonight.

She was definitely breaking down, there was no doubt. First it was the cutting and now she might be pregnant? How much more could she take? She was gradually pushing herself away from Sammy too. All I could do was hope that the two of them could work this out.

I trusted that Sam would help her in there. He would repay his debt to her, though he would never admit it as a debt.

She had saved him in more ways than she could ever imagine. Life before her was miserable at best for the both of us. Sammy especially. This life, a life of hunting, was something that I still regretted bringing him back into when he tried to get away, even though it had been years since the Jess’s death. In fact, I don’t think he ever got over her death either.

I think Sam was battling some level of depression at one point. He was at his worst right before the hunt that we found Y/N. He was barely sleeping. He wasn’t eating much. He lost interest in things he loved to normally do. He just kept asking for another hunt. I could only guess that he wanted a distraction.

But when we took on that abandoned warehouse that a supposed nest of vampires was hanging out, we found, to our surprise that Y/N had killed them single handedly. Impressively too. Clean and straight cuts to each of the beheadings.

The rest was pretty much history after that. She told us about how her family had been killed by those vampires and that was her revenge. But she wanted more. She wanted to help others who couldn’t fight back against the monsters.

And so, Y/N had been with us ever since. I loved having her around. She was funny and was giving Charlie a run for her money in the aspect of being the annoying little sister I didn’t know I wanted. We teased each other incessantly, but never hurtful.

Sam was the real one affected by her presence in the bunker. When she showed up, there was a change in him. I didn’t notice it at first. It was slow to grow, but it was definitely there. It was like someone had turned the switch back on in my brother’s world and he came back to life. And I was sure that it was because of Y/N more than anything else.

My suspicion proved to true when the two of us sat around the table one night a few weeks after Y/N had officially moved in with us in the bunker. Y/N was taking a shower and while she was out of earshot, Sam confessed his feelings for her to me. I had totally called it too. It was obvious by the way he’d light up when she walked into the room. I was grateful for him, happy that he was finally starting to come out of whatever it was that had been gnawing at him before.

But when we got Sam back from after losing his soul, she seemed to be pushing him away. He looked almost as lost and confused as I was. What had happened to the two of them? Sam apparently didn’t have any answers to these questions either.

I asked Sam about it one night, when Y/N was in her room, if everything was okay between the two of them. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, “I honestly don’t know, Dean. I don’t remember even half of the things that I did when I was soulless. But I have a feeling that I did something terrible and unforgivable.”

“I highly doubt that. You made some bad choices, but they were all forgivable. She’s probably just got a lot on her mind at the moment. It’ll be okay. You’ll see, Sammy.” I gave him a pat on the back and walked back over to the counter to grab a slice of pie that Y/N had baked earlier that day.

 

**Sam’s POV**

 

“Remember how the first night I slept in your room that I confessed I was still a virgin and you didn’t push it? How you told me that it didn’t matter, whether or not we had sex or not? That the relationship would still work between us?” Y/N says all of these words in a few hasty breaths. Her voice was tense and it was rising at the end of each sentence like it usually did when she was she under stress. I nodded my head. I did remember that night. It was few days after we both figured out our feelings for one another.

Y/N was flopped on my bed, wearing one of my flannel shirts and an old pair of sweats. I was sitting up on the bed, resting against the headboard. Her body was curled up next to mine, her arms wrapping themselves around my torso. The conversation we had was harmless. She confessed that she was still a virgin. I told her that it didn’t matter. That it was okay. The relationship didn’t even need sex unless she wanted it. The words we had said still rang true. It was true that I had wanted to worship her body in every way possible if she would let me. But she had told me that she wasn’t ready just yet and I had totally respected that.

But she did make me a promise that maybe when the time was right, she would do it with me first. My brow furrows at that obviously broken promise. I sigh and throw that thought to the gutter. That was messed up.

As if reading my thoughts, Y/N’s quiet voice says, “I want you to know that while you were soulless, Sammy, I didn’t lose my virginity on my own accord.” Her face grows pale and I see her body starting to get the shakes as she glances at me, gazing my reaction.

“What do you mean?” I stare at her in confusion. Not by her own accord? What was that supposed to indicate? I had no idea what she meant. Until I suddenly did.

“You were… raped?! Oh my God, are you okay, Y/N?” She just shrugs in response.

“Who did it?! I’m going to fucking _KILL_ him!” I stand up. All I can see is anger. Red hot anger by her confession. I wanted nothing more than at that moment to have the satisfaction of wrapping my hands around the perpetrator’s throat.

Y/N was a beautiful woman that I seemed to fall for more every day. I knew how fragile her self esteem was, how little she thought of herself. Whatever confidence that I had helped her build was obviously long gone. It might even have been worse than before.

Reflexively, I reach to take one of Y/N hand into my own like I used to do. But she instinctively recoils when our skin brushes together. A look of fear flashes behind her eyes and I see a wave of  tears brimming behind her eyelashes. She doesn’t answer my question with words. It is through her silence that I find the explanation.

I had done this to her. I had taken the the trust we had built between us and completely shattered it into millions of pieces when I was soulless. It was my fault that she was on the verge of breaking and losing everything. It was my face now that I saw with hands choking around its throat.

When I was soulless, I had raped her and I didn’t even remember doing it.


	6. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can the reader forgive Sam? And can he forgive himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I take requests! Please message them to me on my tumblr: jarpadaleckiii.tumblr.com (and follow me too! I follow back.)

_ You don’t remember driving home. You just knew that somehow you were walking back into the bunker, carrying the bags of groceries inside. But somehow you had pulled yourself together enough, so that Dean wouldn’t notice the mess that you were in. _

_ Dean is sitting at the table, staring at his laptop. When you walk in, his eyes glance up and he soon jumps up to help you with the bags. He gives you a huge and excited grin when the bags of groceries are set on the counter. “I have great news, Y/N!” _

_ You somehow pull a smile, but avoid his eyes. You turn your attention to putting the groceries away into the different cupboards around the kitchen. You didn’t want Dean to see your pain behind your smile.  _

_ “Cas and I might have found a way to get Sammy’s soul back!”  _

_ “That’s great, Dean.” You give a brief nod.  _

_ “Are you okay, Y/N? I would have thought that you’d be a little more excited than that.” Dean gives you a puzzled look, tilting his head to one side. “I mean, you’ll have your normal boyfriend back, right?” _

_ A sigh escapes your lips. “Sorry, yeah, I’m excited. I’m just tired.” You wanted to get back to your room. You needed to just let a good cry out to release all the emotions that were wrapped around the memory of the night’s events. “I’ll be more excited in the morning, I promise.” _

_ “Why don’t you go get some sleep, then, Y/N?” Dean glances at the clock. “Oh, no wonder. It’s well past midnight.” _

_ You say goodnight to Dean and finally head up to your room. You lock the door behind you. On the wall farthest from you, a full length mirror is hanging from a nail. You approach it and stare at your reflection. Your body sags slightly and you slowly take off each layer of clothes that tightly wrapped your skin.  _

_ In the mirror, you stare at your naked body. Everywhere hurts. You look and see bruises already forming around your wrists and around your inner thighs, the pale skin turning a bluish purple color in different areas. Staring at your body, you see the cut that’s along your lower stomach, the dried blood matted around it. A sudden idea occurs to you. An idea involving a razor. _

_ You turn to open a drawer in your desk, the place where you kept your razors for when you shaved your legs and such. You grab one and snap the protective covering up, flicking it to the ground.  _

_ Razor in hand, you turn back to the mirror. You knew that if you had any cut in an open place, Dean would notice. So you press the blades to your hip to start. You press down and the consequence is immediate. The sting is there and a small amount of blood drips down your side, giving you an immediate rush. You smile for the first time that night, your first real smile.  _

 

***

 

“Sammy… Please.” 

Sam is on his knees, practically curling his large body away from you. The pain in his face is prominent and he’s fighting back tears. You stand and take a step forward towards him, only causing him to recoil further away from you. His voice is broken and he just says, “I’m a monster...”

You stare at the man in front of you. You wanted to hate him. You had every reason to. But you couldn’t bring yourself to loathe him. He was too much a part of your life. You loved him, despite what he had done to you. 

But that wasn’t him, you thought. He was soulless. The real Sam wouldn’t ever have done that to you, or anyone. You shake your head, a new wave of tears falling down your face. “Sam, please listen to me. I’ll eventually forgive you. I know that I will.”

Sam stands back up and suddenly leaves your room. “I need to leave. I’m sorry…” The words are the last thing you hear before you collapse onto your bed, crying. 

 

***

 

A small knock on the door brings you to your senses. You groggily sit up, running a hand through you hair, pushing it off of your face. “Come in!” 

Dean’s face peeks out from behind the door. “Everything go okay?” He takes a step into the room and sees your face, red and blotchy from crying. 

“Oh my God, Y/N… What happened?” Dean frowns and sits at the foot of your bed. The genuine concern that he had for you seemed to kick off another wave of emotions. You manage to sit up before the tears begin to spill again. All you can do is shake your head, letting out a few muffled squeaks. Dean just pulls you into his arms, rubbing the small of your back as you sob into his chest. 

Sam was never going to return to you. You couldn’t figure out how to forgive him, even though you desperately wanted to. You wanted to move on, to start over, but it would prove to be impossible.    
You finally finish crying and try to get rid of the last set of shakes that was running down your spine. You pull away from Dean, your eyes apologetic. 

“You okay, Y/N?” Dean stares at you, his deep voice full of sincerity. 

Dean would help you. He always gave you great advice, especially when it came to issues with his brother, when you were trying to sort out your feelings for Sam in the beginning. You knew that he would be angry at his brother’s actions, though, protective over you. But you knew that he would find out eventually.

“Dean… Please don’t get angry. At least not until I finish talking, okay?”

Dean gives you a brief nod. You start off by telling him how you were raped. You purposefully don’t say by who yet. 

Dean’s reaction is immediate. His green eyes widen and he takes a sharp breath, his frown deepening. “When, Y/N?”

“About a month ago.”

“Around the same time the whole cutting thing started..” Dean’s voice was barely audible. “Y/N, who did it? Sam and I will find him, make sure he gets ripped to shreds.”

“I don’t want you to do that to him.” Dean stares at you in confusion. “Dean, it happened right before we got Sam’s soul back.”

It takes Dean a moment to process the statement you made, giving you a completely blank stare. “Before he got his soul back… What?”

You can practically see him understanding what you mean, like a light was going off inside of his head. Before you could react, Dean was standing, his expression full of anger. He stomps off out of your room, yelling his brother’s name. He was reacting just as you had predicted he would. 

You quickly follow behind Dean and see him approaching Sam’s room. Sam opens the door to Dean, to the banging on the door. You let out a shriek, covering your mouth as you watch Dean cock back his fist, pushing it forward square into Sam’s face.


	7. Physical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does time heal all wounds?

_ The first cut wasn’t the deepest, but plenty more followed that first one. You were careful on where the array of artwork covered your body. You didn’t want it to be anywhere obvious. Both of the brothers would catch on eventually and that was the last thing you wanted. So you kept it hidden.  _

_ One week had passed. You were doing it every other night. Every night, you were plagued with a nightmare of Sam’s body crushing you. One night, it was back in the Impala. Another night it was in your own bedroom. But it was still all the same. He was raping you again and again. And you couldn’t do anything about it, no matter how loud you screamed. _

_ It was such a rush: the moment before and then pressing the razor down, watching the blood drip. It was sick, but it was oh so addicting and you couldn’t help yourself. It made you feel better. _

_ “Y/N! I made dinner!” Dean calls. As if signaled by his words, a scent of something spicy and delicious fills your room from down the hall in the kitchen.  _

_ “Coming!” You call back. You pause and glance at yourself in your full length mirror again, pulling your shirt back over the new band aid on your shoulder and start to walk to the kitchen. The aroma became stronger and you could feel your cheeks rising into a grin. “This smells wonderful, Dean!” you exclaim as you walk into the kitchen, sitting down at the table. _

_ “Thanks. Eat up.” He passes you a plate of a type of enchilada dish. Staring at the food, you suddenly realize how hungry you were. You had barely eaten in the last several days. That was surely noticed by Dean, which was probably what brought on him cooking tonight.  _

 

***

 

"Dean, stop!" You shriek the words out, running up to the brothers from down the hall.

Dean doesn't stop though. Right in front of you, he lashes out at his younger brother, calling him every foul and vile name imaginable. He gives Sam another punch to his cheek, blood flowing from his nose. Sam falls to his knees when Dean's fist finds his throat. He wouldn't retaliate. He just whispers, his voice ragged, "I deserve this... I deserve this."

You scream and attempt to grab Dean's flying hand, but he only pushes you off him, with more force than needed. You stagger back against the wall, trying to catch your breath. Dean doesn't stop the physical assault on his brother. He’s only blinded by his anger. Sam finally collapses in front of you onto the floor.. Your eyes flicker between the two brothers, from Dean's blindness by anger, down to Sam's swollen and bleeding face. 

It's seeing Sam’s face, bloody and pained, that makes you snap out from your senses. Sam cared about you. Deep down, you knew that all along. And you loved him. Desperately. You wanted to do anything to take away the pain that he was in. You watch Dean's arm raise to take another hit. Without thinking, you throw yourself over Sam's still body.

The pain is immediate, rushing down your back. Then the wind gets knocked out of you. You let out a moan, a ripple going down your spine from the punch. Sam's eyes open slightly and he murmurs your name. "Y/N... Move..."

Dean takes a moment to register what his actions. He stares at you and Sam's exhausted body. He blinks slowly and a look of torture and pain forms onto his face. "Oh my God, what have I done?"

“Dean, just go.” You sigh. “Don’t come back until you’ve cooled off.”

He considers this for a moment and finally decides to leave. Staying would only make things worse. He saunters off down the hall, closing the door to his room behind him. 

The pain in your back is swelling. But you can’t focus on it. All of your energy and attention is being put onto the man that’s lying in front of you. His breathing is short and ragged and his eyes are closed. 

“Sammy, come on. I need to get you cleaned up.” You press your hand to his back. He immediately recoils away from you, his eyes snapping open as a moan escapes from his mouth. 

“Y/N… I’m sorry.”

“I know, Sam. We can talk about it later.” You attempt to get to your feet, offering your hand to Sam, but he doesn’t take it. He just stands without help, a slight wince flashing across his face. You frown at the refusal, but decide to let it go. It wasn’t worth the fight right now.

“Let’s take you to the kitchen, Sammy.” Sam just nods and walks silently to the kitchen. You follow behind him and point to the chair that’s pulled out from beside the table. “Sit.”

Sam obeys, his eyes focused on the ground. “Y/N… I really am sorry. I don’t know how I can live with myself.”

“Shush, Sam.” You shake your head as you turn from the sink, wringing out the warm wash cloth. You walk forward and take the seat that’s next to his. You reach up hesitantly and press the wash cloth to Sam’s bleeding face, cleaning the oozing cuts. Sam takes a sharp breath, another wince of pain flashing across his face. “I should be taking care of you, Y/N. Not the other way around.” You just shake your head.

“It’s okay, Sam.”

“No, it isn’t.” His head gives a frantic shake, his voice beginning to break. “I love you. And I ruined everything when I was soulless. I’m so sorry. Oh God, I’m so sorry…”

Sam’s confessions takes you aback. You stare at him, a soft breath escaping. His eyes were honest and you could see his torment behind them. Before you could think, you restlessly lean forward and press your lips to his. “I forgive you.”

His reaction is immediate. Sam pulls back. “You just see me in pain. You need to look for yourself, Y/N.” He stands and gives you one fleeting glance and walks out, running his hands through his hair. 

“Sam, wait!” He doesn’t return. You slump back into the chair. He was right. You only wanted to save him from his pain, not face your own. No matter how much you wanted to forgive him, Sam was still plaguing your nightmares. And you had no idea how to change that.


	8. Deals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam must make a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of update! I lost my muse and couldn't seem to find it until recently!

“Y/N, wake up! You’re okay! You’re safe!”

Dean’s voice is loud and clear in your ears. Your body jerks up and your eyes snap open as you intake a sharp breath. Sweat drips your forehead. Your breath is short and you can’t seem to calm your heart rate.

Sam was going to kill you. He was trying to find you and torture you. Your body reacts immediately as you look up and you jolt up, trying to get up.

“Hey hey hey.” Dean is gripping your sides, holding you to him. “It was just a dream, Y/N. It’s not real.”

Your blurred vision finally starts to focus and your line of sight falls onto the older Winchester standing at your side. He lets go of your arm as your shortened breath begins to finally slow. You sit up and run your hands through your hair, pushing it back behind your ears. You close your eyes again, taking a moment to gather your thoughts. “Sorry, Dean.”

Dean bites his lip, unsurely. He hesitantly tilts his to one side as he watches you before sitting on the edge of your bed. “No, I’m the one who should be sorry, Y/N. How is your back?”

Your eyes open and you let out a sigh. “Honestly? I told you it was fine, Dean. It’s been four days. My back is fine. Castiel healed it perfectly.”

“I know.” He shakes his head sadly. “I shouldn’t have let my anger get to me that bad. I was wrong. Do you want to talk about your dream?”

Another sigh escapes your lips. You shake your head and close your eyes, your face scrunching up. “It was reliving that moment. But I know it’s not real.” You stare intently up at Dean. “Has Sam returned yet?” Sam had left several nights ago without any explanation to you. You had tried more than once to talk to him, but he still avoided you.

“No. I did get a call from though.” Dean pauses before letting out a hasty breath. “I told him to stay away for awhile.”  
You let out a small shriek and your brow furrows in anger. You make a face at his confession. “Dean, what the hell? Why?!”

Dean looks taken aback by your sudden outburst. Obviously, he had been expecting a completely different reaction from you. “I was trying to protect you. I don’t want to see you hurting anymore, Y/N.”

You knew that the statement was true. He was genuinely trying to protect you from Sam. Every time you were in the same room as Sam, neither of you were very verbose with each other. The silence would get awkward within a short amount of time. Sam would usually be the first to leave the room and you’d be left wondering how to approach the subject, hurt and defeated.

“I appreciate it, Dean. But you can’t lock out your brother forever. You need him.” You pinch the bridge of your nose, taking a breath before finally saying, “We both need him.”

 

***

 

**Sam’s POV**

 

Waiting. The abandoned building creaks when I take a step across the floor to pace. I need to do this now. Otherwise Dean or [Y/N] will talk me out of it. But I screwed up and this is the only way that I can convince myself to move on, to forgive myself.

It’s been four days since I left the bunker. I chose to leave. I can’t handle the guilt that seemed to be only be continuing its’ growth in  the back of my mind. I wanted to forgive myself, but it seemed to prove impossible when every time I saw [Y/N], all I can see is the pain that I caused her. She probably didn’t even care that I was gone. It was better for her, safer for her to be away from me. My mind flashes back to the call that I had with Dean the previous afternoon:

 

_“Dean, how is she?”_

_“Honestly, Sam? I found new cuts. She’s not good. I think she’s getting worse.”_

_“This is all my fault.”_

_Dean only pauses on the other end of the line. He seems to be gathering his thoughts. He lets out a sigh and finally say, “Yeah, it is. Sammy, I love you, little brother, but stay the fuck away for awhile. Don’t come back until she’s ready.”_

_I start to speak, but Dean has already hung up._

 

The time tells me that he’s over a half hour late. But that’s to be expected from him; he’s not one for punctuality.

“Moose.”

“Crowley.” My head snap up to find the King of Hell standing in the doorway. He looks almost bored, uninterested. Not an unusual expression for him.

“You wanted a deal?”

“Yes.” I nod faintly. “You know what I want you to do.”

“I do, but what will you give me in exchange? You’ve lost your soul once already; I highly doubt that you want to lose that again.”

He’s right; I don’t. But if it means that [Y/N] can be happy again, I’m willing to take the chance again. However, I know just as well as Crowley that a Winchester soul is highly valuable, regarded higher than a soul from just anyone else. I can only assume that he’s practically hankering to get his hands back on it, to take it back to Hell. “You can have my soul in exchange, but after only one condition.”

“Really, Gigantor? Me? Giving exceptions?” Crowley gives me a look that can only be only described as pity. But I know that he’s not one to turn away a good deal when he sees one. He’ll have to follow through, because that’s how he’s wired as a demon. He won’t be able to pass it up.

“I only want you to leave [Y/N] alone, after you erase me from her memories. Dean can fend for himself. We both know that he can. So you can raise as much Hell with him as you want; just don’t let [Y/N] get involved. Erase me from both of their memories, leave [Y/N] alone, and you can have my soul.”

 


	9. News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can things get any worse?

You are sitting at the table, with Dean at your side. Everything was finally starting to calm down. You finally realized that Dean’s actions were only meant to help, not cause anymore harm. In fact, you were grateful. With Sam gone for awhile, you might just actually move on. 

“So, I think I found us a case.” Dean breaks the silence and glances up at you from over his laptop. “A mysterious couple of murders in southern California. All of the vics have traces of an animalistic attack, but no one has yet to identify the bite marks. I’m thinking werewolf, possibly.”

You nod your head. “Sure. Though I don’t know how much help I’ll be.” 

“Ah, come on, Y/N! We can handle it, no problem.”

“That’s not what I meant, Dean.” You place a hand on the top of your stomach. “I probably should take it easy.”

“Oh.” Dean blinks. “ Right.”

“Call Sam up. He’ll help on it.” 

You give him a half smile. You wanted so hard to mend the broken relationship between the younger Winchester, but he wasn’t having it. Dean shakes his head, “I’m not calling Sam. He can screw off.”

“Come on, Dean. Be nice. I’m trying to forgive him.” A sigh escapes your lips and a look of hurt plays upon them. 

“I know, but I can’t deal with the fact that he hurt you so much.” He matches your sigh and leans across to press a kiss to your forehead. “I don’t give a damn if that means he doesn’t come back. I’ve dealt with a lot of baggage when it comes to Sammy; some of it was mine. But the fact that he did  that  was the last straw, Y/N. I refuse to let him hurt you again.”

“You need your brother in your life, Dean. I’ve seen when the two of you are apart. You need him in your life. No matter what. I’ll be the judge of what I can and can’t handle. I don’t want to be the riff in your relationship. So I’ve been thinking of leaving actually.” You bit your lip after uttering the words. You really had been thinking of leaving, as much as it hurt to admit. You didn’t want to though. The bunker had become your home. You had nowhere and no one to go to outside of it. 

Before Dean can respond though, there’s a flash of bright light. Across the room, Castiel appears in the corner. He’s clutching his front, bending over. A pained sound escapes from his mouth and he jerks forward. 

You and Dean rush up and help him to a seat. Only when he sits, you see the blood staining the front of his shirt. “Cas, what the hell happened?” 

You grab a cloth that’s on the counter and reach forward to wipe some of the blood off. Castiel curls away from the touch. But instead, he reaches to grip your arm tightly. His eyes are demanding, searching your face for something. “Sam? Where is he?”

“He’s not here, Cas. What is it? What happened?” 

“The cage in Hell has broken. When we got Sam’s soul out of it, Lucifer escaped.” 

 

Sam's POV

 

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Crowley looks slightly confused, almost sympathetic. That was definitely out of character for him. He seemed almost… human.

"Yes. I want [Y/N] to finally be free from the pain that I caused her." I can't help but to shrug. I wanted forgiveness more than anything else, but I couldn't see that happening anytime soon. In fact, after she had taken the pregnancy test a few days ago, I was sure that the child would grow up to think of me only as a monster, nothing else. Conceived by rape was a horrible way to go.

"No."

No? What did he say? I had been set on him giving me a positive response that I hadn't considered any other option. He had to follow through with this. He  had  to. It was the only way that I could fix things. “What do you mean,  no?”

“As much as I want a Winchester soul, I’m not going to fix the mess you created. Your soul is too much of a liability for me. Besides, your brother’s angel boyfriend went through so much to get it back. Wouldn’t want that to go to waste, now would we? I can erase human memories, but not an angel’s. I don’t want the angels after me anymore than they already are. I don’t think taking your soul back to Hell will go over well with our dear Castiel.”

It takes me a moment to process what he’s telling me. It was true. He was right. I knew that the consequences would be costly, once Castiel found out about what I had done. Both he and Dean had done so much to get my soul back to back in the first place. This was no way to repay them. 

I had no energy to argue with him. Every argument that ran through my head was pointless. Crowley wouldn’t listen to them anyway. Once he had made up his mind, there was no changing it. In all the time that I had gotten to know him, that was the one thing that was for certain. 

“If that’s all…” Crowley gives me a triumphant smirk and vanishes. 

A low breath escapes from my mouth. I am crouched down low, my back leaning against the cold wall. It was supposed to all be fixed tonight. Everything that I had done was supposed to disappear and I was supposed to start over a new life. But that wasn’t going to happen. No matter what, I wanted to figure out how to fix it. I just had to figure out how. A new plan had to be out there somewhere. 

Ring! Ring!   My cell buzzes in my pocket. I grab my phone out and expect a message from possibly Dean. But the name that I see was not one that I would have foreseen. [Y/N] hadn’t messaged me in months. She had been distancing herself even more. 

The message on the screen read: [Y/N] “Sammy, please come home soon. It’s an emergency. Lucifer has escaped from the Cage.”


	10. Future Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But what if it wasn't Lucifer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update this! I was completely stuck on where to go with it, but I finally was able to get an idea.

**Sam’s POV**

 

It’s been several days and I still feel as if the wind has been knocked out of my chest. [Y/N] has to be mistaken. I must have misread the message. But my eyes scan the message again and again, the words never changing. The worst nightmare that I possibly could happen has presented itself.  _ Lucifer… escaped from the cage. _

How pitiful my life was turning out to be. 

My phone rings, grasping me back to reality from my thought process. The caller ID on the screen displays Dean. This can’t be good. I hadn’t answered any of [Y/N]’s messages because half of me still denied that Lucifer escaped from the cage. He couldn’t escape. That was impossible. The seal was unbreakable. 

“Dean, I’m not coming back. No matter who or what escaped from the cage.” I thought that he had made that quite clear in our last phone call, that I wasn’t welcome at the bunker for a long time, if ever again. I mutter the words, “If he really did escape.”

“No, Sammy, listen to me. Why would we lie about something like this?” I can practically feel the anger seething off of him. He continues, “Do you really think we need another apocalypse on our hands?”

“I guess not.” I sigh and my eyes shut tightly. “What are we going to do?”

Dean’s voice is rough, thick. The voice he usually uses when he’s about to deliver a low blow. As if something else could surprise me tonight. “I need your help with this. [Y/N]... she doesn’t understand why I won’t be able to kill him, now that he’s out of the cage. You might though, and you might help me through it.”

“What do you mean?” I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose, the cell balanced against my ear, “Of course, you’ll have to kill Lucifer. It’s the only way. You know that.”

“Lucifer? Who said anything about Lucifer?”

“What are you talking about Dean?” I took a breath in confusion. Weren’t we talking about the fallen archangel? 

“It wasn’t Lucifer who escaped from the cage, Sammy.” 

“Then what? Who, Dean?”

Dean’s voice now sounds distant, far worse than his usual grave tone. “It was Adam.”

 

**The Previous Day**

 

You knew that something was holding Sam back from responding to your messages. You had been staring at the blank screen of your phone for over ten minutes, just waiting for him to respond. But he didn’t. 

Exasperated, you toss the phone to the end of your bed and close your eyes. Lucifer was out of the  cage. You didn’t even know that was possible. How could anyone have predicted this? Surely not you or Dean. It came as a definite shock to everyone. 

You and Dean hadn’t seen the fallen archangel yet, but you both knew that he was out there somewhere and it was only a matter of time before he found one of the brothers. A shudder runs down your spine as you suddenly remember what the brothers had told you months ago, before Sam had lost his soul, and when you first moved into the bunker with them. 

Sam was Lucifer’s true vessel. 

Standing up, you immediately walk to the door of your room, hoping to go talk to Dean. However, when you open the door, Dean is standing in the hall, his balled fist up as if he was about to knock on your door. 

Your expression must have been grave because without a word, Dean pulls you into a tight, protective hug. “Sam won’t ever say yes to him, Y/N.”

You wanted to believe him. You were confident that Sam was strong and cd take care of himself. But he had been so distant and you had no idea where he was. “Dean, we need to talk to him before he finds Sam.”   
Dean nodded gravely, “We need to summon him here.”

Your eyes wide, you looked up to the older brother, “Devil’s trap?”

 

*******

 

The weather outside was perfectly stormy. 

You stood in the back of the library, leaning against the wall. Castiel was seated next to you and you both watched as Dean stood in front of the trap that was set to summon Lucifer himself, his back to you. The room was dark, filled only with the shadows that were dancing from the candles that were placed at each point of the trap. As you take a deep breath, Dean’s voice fills your ears, saying the Latin summoning spell in a clear voice.

Dean finishes. This was the moment that you feared. You suck in a breath, bracing yourself and open your eyes. But nothing had happened, the trap still remaining empty. Dean lets out a hefty sigh and turns to face you and Castiel, his face filled with disappointment. “It was worth a shot, I guess.”

Castiel starts to answer, but before the words are able to slip from his mouth, a cold rush of wind fills the room, rustling the pages of the book on the desk that was across the room. A sudden flash of lightning fills the room and the candles are blown out. The room is filled with darkness. 

Dean flicks on a switch and light fills the room. You blink, taking a moment to let your eyes adjust. But when they do, the first thing you notice is an unfamiliar man standing in the center of the trap. His back was to the three of you in the room and you couldn’t make out his face. 

“It took you long enough, Dean.” The unfamiliar man’s voice spoke low and clear. You turn to look at Dean in complete confusion, only to see that his whole body has gone stiff and rigid, 

The man turns around completely, revealing his face towards you. He looked familiar, but you knew that you had never met this person before in your life. It finally occurs to you that this man faintly resembled the Winchesters. Your barely are able to breath as you utter his name, “Adam.”

Adam’s eyes fall upon you and he gives you a wicked grin. “There she is. Y/N herself. The future mother of Lucifer’s daughter.”


	11. Prophecy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally updated! Sorry that it's so short!

You stare at the man that was standing in front of you, the words he says barely processing in your head. Instinctively, your hand moves to the small bump that was beginning to form at the base of your stomach. You glance at Dean in confusion, before looking back at Adam, “Wait, what?”  
Adam’s grin only seems to be widening, a sick and twisted hint behind it. “Your child will be born female. Her father is the true King of Hell, Lucifer himself. Not Sam Winchester, as you,” he pauses and looks at Dean, “and you might think.”  
“But why?” You shake your head, still trying to understand. “What does Lucifer want?”  
Dean steps forward, his brow arching. “This is impossible.”  
Without warning, Adam lifts his foot up, easily crossing over the devil’s trap that was painted on the ground, making a fast approach towards you, his arms reaching out as if to grab you by the throat.  
His fingers clasp around your neck, and everything goes black.

***

_You are alone in forest, the tall green trees surrounding you. The night sky is dark and black. You stare at the stars in confusion, wondering where you are. But the forest is peaceful, filled with beautiful things of nature. You know that you should be scared, but the sense of calm won’t leave you._   
_Out of nowhere, a path appears at your feet. Without a second thought, your feet are moving. As if by some unforeseen force, you want to get to where this path is leading. It’s going uphill, but you know that you need to see its end._   
_As you walk, you start to pass large and small lumps on the ground. It is too dark to make out what they are, so you decide to keep moving. A sense of unease makes its way into the back of your mind, despite the calmness you were feeling earlier._   
_You reach the top of the path, at the top of the hill. You stare blankly at the valley below you, trying to make out why you were there. A flash of light bolts across the sky, illuminating the valley below All calmness and serenity leave._   
_The end of the path is a massacre. Hundreds of bodies lay dead. Their blood spilled out, covering the green grass, turning it red. Very slowly, you begin to walk down the hill, to the piles of dead bodies. You cover your mouth in shock, trying to figure out what was going on. You look at the faces of the dead bodies. You haven’t recognized any yet, until you pass one that’s lying by itself. You immediately recognize its frame. Castiel. You turn and look around at the bodies that you passed, and to the ones that were further along the path. These bodies were all angels. None were left alive._

***

You suddenly are drenched in sweat, being shaken awake by a desperate Dean. He is gripping your arm, trying to help you up. Your eyes flash to his face, fear overcoming you as you try to even your breathing. ‘It was only a dream…,’ you tell yourself, “... only a dream.” But you couldn’t nag the shaking feeling that what you had dreamed was a form of prophecy.  
“Dean, where are we? Where’s Castiel?”  
“We’re back in your room; Castiel left with Adam. Cas and I were able to banish Adam, but in as we did, Adam sucked Cas with him.”


End file.
